Meeting people where they're at.
"He just makes me so frustrated, she’s trying to manipulate me, he doesn’t care about what I want, she clearly doesn’t respect me…."
Mmmhhm we’ve all been there with certain people in our lives, where we find ourselves getting so riled up by their behaviour and where every conversation feels like a stand-off, that we let the desire to be right / to win / to have the last say, completely overshadow what’s really going on.
The reality of the situation is that no one's perfect. Everyone has something going on in their lives that they're trying to deal with – past traumas, insecurities and doubts, fears, and struggles.
Therefore, when they're being rude, dismissive, aggressive, defensive, it shows you their internal landscape is being churned up…they’re feeling vulnerable…they’re feeling afraid. When we respond to this by attacking back and putting up our own defences, we wage a war that no one can win.
The greatest thing you can do is meet the other person where they're at, and realise they're doing the best with what they’ve got.
Imagine what could be going on for them beneath the surface – what are they feeling? What are they afraid of? What are they needing here?
When this happens, everything changes. You feel a sudden rush of warmth and empathy, and instead of trying to fight against each other you find a way forward where a happy middle ground is met. This doesn’t mean you disregard your needs or feelings. It also doesn’t mean you have to agree or approve of them. It’s about accepting them for who they are and where they're at in their life right now. It may feel uncomfortable at first (as we get so accustomed to resisting them) but on a deeper level you will start to experience greater peace and contentment.
This week’s prompt for you is –
- How different would your relationships look if you stopped for a second to consider what the other person may be dealing with?
- How would this change the way you approach situations?